Follow-Up

Sitting in DR. office waiting for follow up appt.  Baby show on the TV, annoying the hell out of me.  I would like to spray the screen with silly string to cover up all the f-ing cuteness. 

I was hoping that this appt would be fast.  I don't need to be surrounded by pregnant women and baby shows right now.  Seems I have to suffer as Dr. is running behind.

Armour Courtesy of Doc Martin

Preparing for Easter with the extended family.  The grandparents will be easy enough to get along with, however a couple in-laws will be incredibly taxing.
Good thing I put on my Doc Martins.....they're incredibly handy for intimidation.

Seriously!

Dear News Channel,
Even if I hadn't gone through the events of the past weeks, I still wouldn't want to hear the specific details of an abortion doctor's practice.  Does anyone REALLY want the gory details?!
There's shock value to get people's attention and then just poor fucking judgement.

Vibe (no, not the car)

Ever walked into a place and instantly get a vibe that things are just off?  Whether it's the people, the furniture, whatever…..it's just "off"?  When I walked into work this morning, that's how it was -  

 

"Ultra b*tchy" (for the women)

"Hey you kids, get off my lawn old fart" (for the men). 

 

Both of which would produce a diamond in two weeks if you shoved a piece of coal up their ass (thank you, Ferris Bueller/John Hughes)

 

This has been sustained by everyone here all day long and I'm trying to just stay out of the flippin' way.  Sure, I have my moments of Wicked-Witch-of-the-West-ness, but rarely do they last all damn day! 

Tables Are Turned

Had relatives over for K's birthday party, one of them being my mother. During a conversation about updating light fixtures, mother made the comment, "you have a titty light in the kitchen" (it's a dome style light). Now, keep in mind K was at the table and heard the comment as well as the other grandparents. I quickly responded with a stink-eye look and "not in front of young ears" directed right at my mother. Seriously! She's a fucking grandmother (granted, only birthday and Christmas)! Her response, well it was as classy as she is; a snotty "yes ma'am". You know, that is fucking right! In my husband and I's house, it is our way or get the fuck out! I'm sick of her woe is me stories or incredibly inappropriate comments infront of a 5 year old.

And as for her response to me, it might as well have been "yes, bitch" but I don't care. She is going to realize that I'm not going to tolerate crap like that. If she doesn't like it, that is me standing up to her, then she doesn't need to come over. I'm not trying to keep her out of K's life, but at the same time the people you surround yourself with make you or break you and truthfully, she does more breaking.

She's also the only one in the family that doesn't know about loosing the baby. She would twist it around into something she lost, the grandchild *she* lost, not what J and I lost and the grief we are working through. There would be no condolences, it would all be about her.

So, if you're keeping track we have one relative that doesn't know and a couple other relatives that I called out yesterday.

I think I may change the ringtone on my phone to the Wicked Witch of the West theme because frankly, I'm all sorts of agitated.......

Called Out

Conviently, and as the usual practice goes, same relative from yesterday's post backed out of coming to K's Bday party today at the last minute, claiming sickness.  Interestingly enough, she didn't mention anything about feeling unwell yesterday.....

So I called her out about knowing she is aware of what happened with baby and that people don't need to walk on eggshells around me because of it. 
Frankly, I'm pissed off about it.  It makes me feel like I don't mean shit and that my grief is inconsequential to anyone, even some family members!  I need to feel acknowledged, damnit, not ignored.
We'll see if relative has enough spine to respond.

Empty

After spending the past 3 weeks wondering what was going on with baby #2, had first prenatal appt with ultrasound. 
.
.
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no baby.....
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.
.
Spent this week in surgery and then wear a brave face while attempting to face the world.  Relatives know and only 2 of them have offered condolences.  Spoke with one relative today that knows and I get nothing - as though nothing happened; as though I don't matter.

I didn't necessarily expect to be showered with attention, nor do I want that, however it would be nice to have our loss acknowledged.  After all, she gets a fucking card if she has the sniffles.....