Moving

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Meeting the TIV!

We are fans of the tornado chasers and have followed the TIV and it's team for the past few seasons. It was fantastic to see it up close and to meet the team!

Well,

Keeping up with my "5 things" list has admittedly been hit and miss.  I feel that I'm repeating myself and wonder if that takes away from the purpose I originally intended.  Or is it helping me to realize what is truly important.....?

For today, as of 12:47 pm, 5 things I'm grateful for/make me happy are:
1. That J, K and I lived to tell the tale of "The Ick 2011"
2. Taking K to his first carnival and having a blast (pictures to come)
3. Having a job to go to (which allows me to forget about the laundry that "The Ick 2011" produced or the mercy our bathrooms are begging for)
4. Owning a home , even though it unnerves me the responsibilities/uncertainties that come with it
5. "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

The Ick: Next Round

With 2 additional players!

The three of us are still in our pj's, sleeping on and off throughout the day and the blinds have remained pulled.  So far, the bathrooms have been spared for the past few hours.....so far.....

The Ick

It's good that we didn't have anything planned for this weekend.  K-man has a touch of the ick that hit last night & hasn't gone away.
It wasn't a total loss.  We had a blast at the carnival!

That about sums it up

"If you're pretty crazy then you're in good company because the human race as a whole is out of its goddamn head."  Albert Ellis

Yeah.....

5 Things

Very basic 5 things for today:
1. J & K
2. Being employed
3. Having a home
4. Having a decent car
5. Seeing one more day

It wasn't a terrible day, but just not good.

Perception

If it will get you off my back, I will play the "weeping child" and spill my guts

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At least that is what you'll think.

 

Ugh

A certain sadness and disappointment came over me this afternoon. I learned that a co-worker became a grandparent again. While I wish their family the best, it's difficult to hear the joyous story being told to everyone else in the office.

J and I had earmarked this weekend to announce my now defunct pregnancy.......

5 Things

1. Figuring out the awesome flickr widgit (thank you Anna)
2. Being above ground (always a nice start to the day)
3. As always, J & K
4. Speaking of J, he didn't think less of me (and actually gave me a thumbs up) when I requested that killjoy sister in law, et al. not be invited to the "thank goodness this masters degree bs is finished" get together in a few weeks.
5. Being employed (don't want to bite the hand that feeds, even if a few co-workers just need to flippin' retire with their old fart attitudes)

5 Things

1. No rapture
2. Working AC
3. J&K
4. Being employed
5. Possibly finding makeup that won't cause me to break out (we'll see after a week or so).

I think this is hilarious!
My sister in law, not so much. HA!

5 Things

1. Being employed
2. Having a decent car (even if it is 10 years old)
3. Ability to have K take swimming and ice skating lessons
4. Being relatively healthy (there's 20 pounds I need to loose)
5. Thisclose to being finished with my Masters degree

I’ve decided to expand on the idea from yesterday’s “Regroup” post to include not only five things that I’m grateful for, but what makes me happy/smile or is just helping me to get through the day. They are also not in any particular order.

For today:

1.















2. J and K


3. Pictures my son draws.
































According to K, this is me in the house and the black spot on my head is my brain.
(Hey! I have a brain! Who would’ve thunk it!)


4. The book, “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him" by Sheldon Kopp. I’m only three pages into this, so there’s no book report ready. From what I can tell, it’s more about relying on myself to work through the bumps in life versus the latest guru.


5. Breathing

REGROUP

I realize that what I'm about to write may seem goofy, especially since I'm an adult and should be beyond this.  I'm going to write (5) things I'm grateful for, everyday; a daily affirmation if you will.  I need to do this, for my own sanity.  While that's a bit cliché, the recurring theme in recent days has been getting caught up in everyone else's "world" that I neglect my own (specifically J, K and I).  It's not that I don't care about others, but the concern is that my focus has too long been on other individuals and their impact on me; mostly in direct relation to sister-in-law and her antics.  <<in the best Cheech & Chong voice I can muster>> The negativity is bringin' me down, man.>>  My hope is that by reminding myself of what I have, the "slap in the face" lows won't knock my ass down.  So, with that…..

 

1. I'm grateful I woke up this morning – even on bad days, being above ground is a good thing.

2. I really like my new mobile phone.  It was worth the extra $$$ to upgrade before the "eligibility date"

3. I like my job and (after 1+ years) they like me.

4. I love my husband and son.  Even on days when they make me batsh*t, I wouldn't trade them for anything.  Besides, I'm sure they feel the same way about me on occasion.

5. I'm very happy to be a homeowner!  After spending my childhood growing up in apartments, I never thought I'd accomplish it.  Along with that, I'm glad that K will have more than I did.
 

My Kind of A-ha Moment

Over the years I thought that my sister in law and I had a decent friendship.  Not necessarily know all the dirt and still accept each other kind of friendship, but something more than surface level "hi, how's the weather".  From overlooking every accomodation made to meet her/her family's needs, waiting 4 hours to celebrate Christmas because she *just* couldn't get out of bed, to a variety of things over the past 10 years – it's been all about her and it's becoming ridiculous. 

Add to that my calling her out (re: my miscarriage) and yet another bow out from attending one of our (J, K and I) get togethers, in addition to not responding to any emails, I'm finally getting a good idea of where I stand with her.  In relation to sister in law's life, I am inconsequential.  I daresay, she may have similar feelings toward J and K, but I can only speak from my perspective.  Apparantely, I'm slow on the uptake (that's another post). 

I don't want to incite conflict and prefer to just go with the flow, seeing smiles instead of grimaces.  I will deal with conflict when it comes, albeit not very gracefully, and would rather just say what needs to be said, get on and over whatever it is.  So it is with some difficulty that I accept where I stand with sister in law; I wanted to get to know her more and have "relatable" experiences, etc, blah-blah-blah, but that just isn't going to happen.  I will admit that I'm starting to strongly dislike her.  With each passing day, I'm finding more faults and things I don't agree with that she does or doesn't do – it's making me mental. 

In addition, it's not fair making J and K bend to her/her family's needs.  The most recent event was K's birthday party.  She requested making cupcakes to bring because her daughter has a peanut allergy.  I was fine with it because we certainly didn't want anything bad to happen, but I kept the order for K's birthday cake anyway.  Then, 3 hours before the party she said they were sick and did I really want them to come?  This pissed me off on many levels:

1. She was bringing the cupcakes – if I hadn't kept our previous order for K's birthday cake, he wouldn't have had anything!

2. She puts it on me to decide whether to willingly subject K to her sick kids!  Now, I've reconciled myself to the fact that K is around other kids at preschool and can pick up a million germs while there – that is an unintended side-affect.  However, by her asking if I'm okay with her bringing her kids over who are knowingly sick – well what the fuck?!  Yes, please bring them over so that I can knowingly and willingly infect my son with god-knows-what.      

3. Three hours before the party she decides to call!  I really shouldn't be surprised by this – it's quite common for her and her husband to wait until the last minute.

4. On K's birthday, when it should be all about him – it becomes all about her.

I get it now. 

Expression

Looking for Mother's Day cards.  Choosing one for my mother-in-law is easy enough, however I've yet to find one expressing my gratitude towards my own mother (who taught me what NOT to do in life).

Follow-Up

Sitting in DR. office waiting for follow up appt.  Baby show on the TV, annoying the hell out of me.  I would like to spray the screen with silly string to cover up all the f-ing cuteness. 

I was hoping that this appt would be fast.  I don't need to be surrounded by pregnant women and baby shows right now.  Seems I have to suffer as Dr. is running behind.

Armour Courtesy of Doc Martin

Preparing for Easter with the extended family.  The grandparents will be easy enough to get along with, however a couple in-laws will be incredibly taxing.
Good thing I put on my Doc Martins.....they're incredibly handy for intimidation.

Seriously!

Dear News Channel,
Even if I hadn't gone through the events of the past weeks, I still wouldn't want to hear the specific details of an abortion doctor's practice.  Does anyone REALLY want the gory details?!
There's shock value to get people's attention and then just poor fucking judgement.

Vibe (no, not the car)

Ever walked into a place and instantly get a vibe that things are just off?  Whether it's the people, the furniture, whatever…..it's just "off"?  When I walked into work this morning, that's how it was -  

 

"Ultra b*tchy" (for the women)

"Hey you kids, get off my lawn old fart" (for the men). 

 

Both of which would produce a diamond in two weeks if you shoved a piece of coal up their ass (thank you, Ferris Bueller/John Hughes)

 

This has been sustained by everyone here all day long and I'm trying to just stay out of the flippin' way.  Sure, I have my moments of Wicked-Witch-of-the-West-ness, but rarely do they last all damn day! 

Tables Are Turned

Had relatives over for K's birthday party, one of them being my mother. During a conversation about updating light fixtures, mother made the comment, "you have a titty light in the kitchen" (it's a dome style light). Now, keep in mind K was at the table and heard the comment as well as the other grandparents. I quickly responded with a stink-eye look and "not in front of young ears" directed right at my mother. Seriously! She's a fucking grandmother (granted, only birthday and Christmas)! Her response, well it was as classy as she is; a snotty "yes ma'am". You know, that is fucking right! In my husband and I's house, it is our way or get the fuck out! I'm sick of her woe is me stories or incredibly inappropriate comments infront of a 5 year old.

And as for her response to me, it might as well have been "yes, bitch" but I don't care. She is going to realize that I'm not going to tolerate crap like that. If she doesn't like it, that is me standing up to her, then she doesn't need to come over. I'm not trying to keep her out of K's life, but at the same time the people you surround yourself with make you or break you and truthfully, she does more breaking.

She's also the only one in the family that doesn't know about loosing the baby. She would twist it around into something she lost, the grandchild *she* lost, not what J and I lost and the grief we are working through. There would be no condolences, it would all be about her.

So, if you're keeping track we have one relative that doesn't know and a couple other relatives that I called out yesterday.

I think I may change the ringtone on my phone to the Wicked Witch of the West theme because frankly, I'm all sorts of agitated.......

Called Out

Conviently, and as the usual practice goes, same relative from yesterday's post backed out of coming to K's Bday party today at the last minute, claiming sickness.  Interestingly enough, she didn't mention anything about feeling unwell yesterday.....

So I called her out about knowing she is aware of what happened with baby and that people don't need to walk on eggshells around me because of it. 
Frankly, I'm pissed off about it.  It makes me feel like I don't mean shit and that my grief is inconsequential to anyone, even some family members!  I need to feel acknowledged, damnit, not ignored.
We'll see if relative has enough spine to respond.

Empty

After spending the past 3 weeks wondering what was going on with baby #2, had first prenatal appt with ultrasound. 
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no baby.....
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Spent this week in surgery and then wear a brave face while attempting to face the world.  Relatives know and only 2 of them have offered condolences.  Spoke with one relative today that knows and I get nothing - as though nothing happened; as though I don't matter.

I didn't necessarily expect to be showered with attention, nor do I want that, however it would be nice to have our loss acknowledged.  After all, she gets a fucking card if she has the sniffles.....